Archive for May, 2012

“Self-Disclosure” by Samuel Ramos

This theory represents what made my marriage stable and successful so far. Right after we began dating I felt very comfortable sharing what could be considered “secrets”. Things about my past, my relationships with my family and inner thoughts that only few people or no one was able to hear about. What I just described is also know as Self disclosure. In more technical terms this trait can be defined as the ability to strengthen our relationship with one another based on the amount of intimate information is shared between each other (boyfriend & girlfriend or spouses). Self-disclosure will enhance trust in a relationship, thus enabling both parties to feel more comfortable with each others presence and ending up with more things and common. This will create a stronger support system in a friendship or love relationship.

Mr. Deeds and Emilio Lopez were closer friends after Deeds would share with him his secrets and more intimate thoughts and feelings. He was certainly drawn in to that, which towards the end of the show Emilio ends up inheriting all money from Deed’s uncle and he gives Deeds one billion dollars due to their close relationship over the weeks. Emilio shares with him his love for feet and Deeds talks about his frozen black foot. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCA0Lpy671g)

Throughout my teenage years my best friends were the ones who knew everything about me. They know what to do when I needed help or how to talk to me. Fortunately, this is the same process now that I’ve been married. I know a lot more about my wife than anyone else, and she also knows me incredibly well. This theory is indeed true, not only based on research but my through own experiences I’ve had so far.

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Disclosure reciprocity effect: Clarissa

disclosure reciprocity: we reveal more about ourselves to people who have been open with us. We reveal a little and then the other person reveals a little.

My friend Nate, opened himself up and told me many things about himself. In return I decided to tell him some things about myself that I normally don’t disclose.

When others open up to us, we may have the feeling that we should or can do the same.  When my friend Nate really made himself vulnerable by sharing some really personal and sensitive aspects of his life- I knew he trusted me- and therefore I felt that I could trust him. I then decided that I would equally be as open with him as he was with me.  As I look at the relationships that I have developed throughout my life, I have noticed that the ones that are the most meaningful are the ones where there has been much self-disclosure- or where the disclosure reciprocity effect has taken effect.

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Matching Phenomenon- Christine Sellers

Today’s blog will be short, sweet, and very to the point. Matching phenomenon is the tendency for us to be interested in someone who is similar to our own level of attractiveness and other traits. Guess what? I totally did that.

So, I tend to stick out. One trait of mine is my height, and whether I like it or not I am noticeable. I also like dressing well. The first day I saw my husband, he walked into my class late and what was he wearing? A super nice, slim, extremely attractive suit. MAN did he stick out AND dressed super well. From then on,  I was hooked.

Crazy? That I would be interested in someone just based on the two traits (not being afraid to stand out and having a fashion sense)? Apparently it’s not so crazy, because that’s exactly what matching phenomenon is. I chose him because we were, in my eyes, on the same level of attractiveness and other traits. Turns out I’m not shallow…just human. Worked out pretty well I’d say.

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Complementarity by Cheri Hiatt

Complementarity is when one has the feeling that they are completed by someone else and that they together form a whole.

example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m600ftvH5xY

Dr. Evil, was upset when his son Scott didn’t have the traits he wanted him to have or complement him like he had wished for, but mini me filled in all the gaps he was aching for and made him feel completed.

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Comparison Level for Alternatives- Seren Bezzant

Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory of Attraction. It is the idea that people are satisfied in their relationships based on their extent to which they perceive their ability to exchange their current relationship for a better one.

I had a friend in high school that was very unsatisfied with her boyfriends. She had one boyfriend that she didn’t really like, but kept dating him. One day we had a long conversation about it. She said the reason she kept dating this boy was because she didn’t think she could find anyone better at the time. She didn’t really like him she just didn’t have anyone better at the moment. However, she believed that she could get a better relationships and could drop him whenever she wanted.

This is an example of comparison level for alternatives because she based her satisfaction for her relationship/friendship on her perceived ability to find a better relationship. She eventually did find a “better” relationship and eventually dropped the guys she was dating. Now that she is married and she believes she can’t get a better guy, she feels much more satisfied and secure in her relationships.

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Comparison Level for Alternatives- Seren Bezzant

Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory of Attraction. It is the idea that people are satisfied in their relationships based on their extent to which they perceive their ability to exchange their current relationship for a better one.

I had a friend in high school that was very unsatisfied with her boyfriends. She had one boyfriend that she didn’t really like, but kept dating him. One day we had a long conversation about it. She said the reason she kept dating this boy was because she didn’t think she could find anyone better at the time. She didn’t really like him she just didn’t have anyone better at the moment. However, she believed that she could get a better relationships and could drop him whenever she wanted.

This is an example of comparison level for alternatives because she based her satisfaction for her relationship/friendship on her perceived ability to find a better relationship. She eventually did find a “better” relationship and eventually dropped the guys she was dating. Now that she is married and she believes she can’t get a better guy, she feels much more satisfied and secure in her relationships.

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Fearful attachment by Catherine Dodart

Fearful Attachment: is when people are afraid to become involved in a relationship due to a fear of rejection.

This is something that I feel many of us experience at one point or another, or maybe even many times while we are in the dating scene. Dating can be scary! Nobody on either end wants to get hurt and sometimes the fear of being hurt keeps us from embarking on relationships that could turn out to be amazing experiences.

I recently saw the movie Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, and in the movie the women become sick of being in relationships that don’t end up ending happily ever after. A writer, Steve Harvey, comes out with a book that is supposed to give women all the ins and outs to understanding men and thinking on their level. Each girl purchases the book and ends up meeting someone she wants to date. Each of these men struggle in one area or another and at some point in the movie each one is an example of fearful attachment, whether its the girl in the couple or the boy.

In conclusion, fearful attachment isn’t something that happens to only men or women but is something that can be worked on. Relationships are always tricky but the best thing to do is just have fun and go with it!

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