Archive for May, 2012

“Self-Disclosure” by Samuel Ramos

This theory represents what made my marriage stable and successful so far. Right after we began dating I felt very comfortable sharing what could be considered “secrets”. Things about my past, my relationships with my family and inner thoughts that only few people or no one was able to hear about. What I just described is also know as Self disclosure. In more technical terms this trait can be defined as the ability to strengthen our relationship with one another based on the amount of intimate information is shared between each other (boyfriend & girlfriend or spouses). Self-disclosure will enhance trust in a relationship, thus enabling both parties to feel more comfortable with each others presence and ending up with more things and common. This will create a stronger support system in a friendship or love relationship.

Mr. Deeds and Emilio Lopez were closer friends after Deeds would share with him his secrets and more intimate thoughts and feelings. He was certainly drawn in to that, which towards the end of the show Emilio ends up inheriting all money from Deed’s uncle and he gives Deeds one billion dollars due to their close relationship over the weeks. Emilio shares with him his love for feet and Deeds talks about his frozen black foot. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCA0Lpy671g)

Throughout my teenage years my best friends were the ones who knew everything about me. They know what to do when I needed help or how to talk to me. Fortunately, this is the same process now that I’ve been married. I know a lot more about my wife than anyone else, and she also knows me incredibly well. This theory is indeed true, not only based on research but my through own experiences I’ve had so far.

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Disclosure reciprocity effect: Clarissa

disclosure reciprocity: we reveal more about ourselves to people who have been open with us. We reveal a little and then the other person reveals a little.

My friend Nate, opened himself up and told me many things about himself. In return I decided to tell him some things about myself that I normally don’t disclose.

When others open up to us, we may have the feeling that we should or can do the same.  When my friend Nate really made himself vulnerable by sharing some really personal and sensitive aspects of his life- I knew he trusted me- and therefore I felt that I could trust him. I then decided that I would equally be as open with him as he was with me.  As I look at the relationships that I have developed throughout my life, I have noticed that the ones that are the most meaningful are the ones where there has been much self-disclosure- or where the disclosure reciprocity effect has taken effect.

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Matching Phenomenon- Christine Sellers

Today’s blog will be short, sweet, and very to the point. Matching phenomenon is the tendency for us to be interested in someone who is similar to our own level of attractiveness and other traits. Guess what? I totally did that.

So, I tend to stick out. One trait of mine is my height, and whether I like it or not I am noticeable. I also like dressing well. The first day I saw my husband, he walked into my class late and what was he wearing? A super nice, slim, extremely attractive suit. MAN did he stick out AND dressed super well. From then on,  I was hooked.

Crazy? That I would be interested in someone just based on the two traits (not being afraid to stand out and having a fashion sense)? Apparently it’s not so crazy, because that’s exactly what matching phenomenon is. I chose him because we were, in my eyes, on the same level of attractiveness and other traits. Turns out I’m not shallow…just human. Worked out pretty well I’d say.

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Complementarity by Cheri Hiatt

Complementarity is when one has the feeling that they are completed by someone else and that they together form a whole.

example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m600ftvH5xY

Dr. Evil, was upset when his son Scott didn’t have the traits he wanted him to have or complement him like he had wished for, but mini me filled in all the gaps he was aching for and made him feel completed.

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Comparison Level for Alternatives- Seren Bezzant

Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory of Attraction. It is the idea that people are satisfied in their relationships based on their extent to which they perceive their ability to exchange their current relationship for a better one.

I had a friend in high school that was very unsatisfied with her boyfriends. She had one boyfriend that she didn’t really like, but kept dating him. One day we had a long conversation about it. She said the reason she kept dating this boy was because she didn’t think she could find anyone better at the time. She didn’t really like him she just didn’t have anyone better at the moment. However, she believed that she could get a better relationships and could drop him whenever she wanted.

This is an example of comparison level for alternatives because she based her satisfaction for her relationship/friendship on her perceived ability to find a better relationship. She eventually did find a “better” relationship and eventually dropped the guys she was dating. Now that she is married and she believes she can’t get a better guy, she feels much more satisfied and secure in her relationships.

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Comparison Level for Alternatives- Seren Bezzant

Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory of Attraction. It is the idea that people are satisfied in their relationships based on their extent to which they perceive their ability to exchange their current relationship for a better one.

I had a friend in high school that was very unsatisfied with her boyfriends. She had one boyfriend that she didn’t really like, but kept dating him. One day we had a long conversation about it. She said the reason she kept dating this boy was because she didn’t think she could find anyone better at the time. She didn’t really like him she just didn’t have anyone better at the moment. However, she believed that she could get a better relationships and could drop him whenever she wanted.

This is an example of comparison level for alternatives because she based her satisfaction for her relationship/friendship on her perceived ability to find a better relationship. She eventually did find a “better” relationship and eventually dropped the guys she was dating. Now that she is married and she believes she can’t get a better guy, she feels much more satisfied and secure in her relationships.

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Fearful attachment by Catherine Dodart

Fearful Attachment: is when people are afraid to become involved in a relationship due to a fear of rejection.

This is something that I feel many of us experience at one point or another, or maybe even many times while we are in the dating scene. Dating can be scary! Nobody on either end wants to get hurt and sometimes the fear of being hurt keeps us from embarking on relationships that could turn out to be amazing experiences.

I recently saw the movie Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, and in the movie the women become sick of being in relationships that don’t end up ending happily ever after. A writer, Steve Harvey, comes out with a book that is supposed to give women all the ins and outs to understanding men and thinking on their level. Each girl purchases the book and ends up meeting someone she wants to date. Each of these men struggle in one area or another and at some point in the movie each one is an example of fearful attachment, whether its the girl in the couple or the boy.

In conclusion, fearful attachment isn’t something that happens to only men or women but is something that can be worked on. Relationships are always tricky but the best thing to do is just have fun and go with it!

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“Ingratiation” by Aly Lallatin

                 Ingratiation is the use of flattery and other similar strategies to gain someone’s favor.

One example of ingratiation happened to me a few years ago. A child I was taking care of came up to me and said, “Aly, you’re my favorite person in the whole world. You’re so nice to me. Will you buy me a ringpop?”

This portrays ingratiation because the child was using flattery to get me to buy them something.

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“You Complete Me” by Jamie Rhoten

Complementarity is a popularly believed tendency that two people in a relationship compete the “missing pieces” or what is missing in each other. I have noticed this as I have listened to others explain how perfect their boyfriends/girlfriends are because they are “everything I am” or “we just complement each others weaknesses”. In my own relationship I have noticed that I have said that my husband just seems to “make me whole” and when we are not together it does feel like I am missing a part of myself. In the movie Jerry MaGuire, Tom Cruise shares his feelings for a girl that demonstrates complementarity.

It is easy to apply this clip to complementarity. Tom Cruise believes that he was missing something by himself and he has now realized that this other girl completes him.

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Self Disclosure: A Superhero’s Greatest Wish-Ian Hawkes

Self disclosure is an important part of any intimate relationship. It involves individuals revealing intimate characteristics about themselves with someone they are in a relationship with. This is important for genuine intimacy, because it makes those in a relationship more comfortable with one another. This intimacy is also extremely enjoyable. Most people feel extreme pleasure when someone confides in them, and also feel more comfortable with those they have confided in.

In Spiderman, Peter Parker struggles to build an intimate relationship with MJ. Peter has superpowers, and therefore has entire sections of his life which he keeps secret from MJ. When MJ confides in Peter that she likes Spiderman, Peter tells MJ how he feels about her and begins to tell her his deep feelings for her, which strengthens their relationship. Later on, when he discloses his secret identity, they are able to grow even closer, something which would have been impossible without self-disclosure.

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The Matching Phenomenon -Amy Jennings

The matching phenomenon describes the tendency for people to choose partners who are a good match for them, whether in attractiveness or in other qualities. It amazes me sometimes to see people that must Obviously make up for disadvantages like age.

 

This is a trailer for the movie Made of Honor. There is an awesome scene about Patrick Dempsey’s father marrying his 6th wife, a beautiful, young gold digger. What he can’t make up for in beauty or age, he compensates with money. We see this less drastically all the time. The typical line “oh, but he has a great personality” seems to overcome any physical flaws.

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“When You Know It’s Real” by Tatiana Herman

“When You Know It’s Real” by Tatiana Herman

Passionate love is exciting, intense, and intoxicating. I refer to it as infatuation. It is what chic flicks are made of, and what many people spend endless amounts of time and resources pursuing. Companionate love however, doesn’t receive as much attention in the media because it isn’t as thrilling and is difficult to sum up in a two hour movie. Companionate love is deep and is based on compassionate, sacrifice, selflessness, and is long-lasting. It endures and is strengthened by trials and challenges. Those who experience it usually share similar values and have common long-term goals.

I remember being in the “passionate love” stage for quite a while when I was dating the man I now call “husband”. We dated for a year and a half before getting married. Even though I knew long before then that I wanted to spend eternity with him, I wanted to give us our best chance by getting to know each other as well as possible during courtship. I wanted evidence that he would stick it out with me before I made a decision that would affect us on such a large scale. I’ll never forget my sister’s reception because that was when I first felt the deep, meaningful tugs on my heart that signified true, companionate love. We had both been at the temple early that morning, then helped set up for the reception, and continued working through the reception making sure things ran smoothly. We were among the last five people that stayed until midnight, and as I walked the last centerpiece to the car outside, I caught sight of Tommy, tie thrown over his shoulder, scrubbing chocolate off the gym floor on his hands and knees.

It was at this moment that I knew I had a winner, and I wanted him at my side forever. There were many people, family included, who had left hours before and only lived five minutes away. And here was my boyfriend, who still had to drive us an hour home and had no obligation to stay and help, but did so with a positive attitude anyway. To me, this is an incredible example of the characteristics of companionate love. He had no thought for himself, but simply was doing what was in his power to please me and make my life a little easier. His actions spoke of someone who was in it for the long haul, and would do whatever it took to make it work.

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Ingratiation By Kelsey Lemmon

Ingratiation is the process in which an individual seeks another’s approval. They can use many strategies, flattery being a main form. We do this to gain acceptance and love from those around us. It can also be the means to an end, that we are gaining approval for some other motive or gain.

In the movie, Despicable Me, Gru is seeking to earn the approval of the orphanage director. He needs the three orphans to execute his plan. When he doesn’t think things are going well in the interview, he resorts to flattery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDkZPIVETiQ

Gru uses flattery to gain the approval of the orphanage director. He seeks to compliment her, and make her like him. Even though in this scene he is actually insulting her, what matters is how she interprets it. Flattery only works if the person chooses to accept it. Gru was able to accomplish his goal by flattering this woman to get her approval. His use of ingratiation was a strategy to reach a larger goal.

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“Nice to meet you. Wanna know my secrets?”: Self Disclosure by Caitlin Randall

In any type of relationship, both participants share things at an increasingly personal level over time. This process of revealing information about oneself is called Self-Disclosure. Like all things, there is a balance of self-disclosure, one end being entirely appropriate and the opposite being rather inappropriate. The book mentions that intimate disclosure is “seldom instant”, for good reason. Can you imagine telling a random stranger, like the checker-outer at Smith’s that you and your spouse just had a huge fight and are on the brink of divorce? Exactly. In media, this inappropriate self-disclosure can actually be quite hilarious.

Check out this clip from my all-time favorite movie, Baby Mama.

In this clip, Tina Fey Kate Holbrook is seemingly narrating the opening with details about how her work life has hurt her personal life, and how she is 37 and must have a baby now. Then, the camera cuts to what is actually a first date, and Kate is a bit embarrassed. What does her date do in reaction? Does he reveal intimate things about himself as well? Hardly. He didn’t react well to her disclosure, which leads us to think it was indeed inappropriate and he noticed and felt uncomfortable.

Remember, disclosure is like an onion; peel back one layer at a time, don’t just slice the thing in half!

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Cooperation-Ian Hawkes

Peace is often most easily reached when two parties with different goals or aversion to one another work together for a common goal. When people collaborate against a common enemy they feel a strong sense of bonding and reliance upon one another, regardless of past difficulties. This presents itself in many ways, through natural disasters and calamities, but also during times of war when atrocities have been performed and all are able to agree that the opposing force is a clear enemy.

In The Lord of the Rings, two competing parties find they must work together. Frodo and Sam are on a quest to destroy the ring of power, and they only possible way to do so is to bring it deep into enemy territory. Gollum is obsessed with the ring, and wishes more than anything that it not be destroyed. However, if Frodo and Sam are killed, the ring will be taken by Orcs and Gollum will never be able to see it again. Therefore it is in Gollum’s best interest to help the hobbits along their journey so they are not spotted, and it is in Frodo and Sam’s best interest to accept the guidance so they are not killed. Though the two groups initially hate one another, they begin to respect and understand one another as they cooperate. Here is a clip from the movie where Gollum first tries to attack the hobbits, though later he is subdued.

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Crazy Stupid Love -Tianna Freeman

Self-disclosure is something that is nearly impossible to avoid in life. Every time we meet a new person we disclose some part of ourselves. The farther we get in a relationship, the more we reveal intimate aspects of ourselves. But there is always the matter of how much do we reveal about ourselves in the different steps of a relationship. There is always the question of how much we should reveal about ourselves as our relationships become more intimate. A good example of the different levels of self disclosure can be found in the movie “Crazy Stupid Love”:

The relationships in this movie are crazy. There are friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, neighbors, ex-husbands, daughters, wives, etc. And the relationships are all twisted together in crazy ways because of the levels of self-disclosure each person decided to commit to. Self-disclosure is good and it’s necessary, but it is left up to our own judgement to determine how much is necessary to avoid some crazy and stupid situations.

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Opposites do not attract…at least not in my case by Matt Landeen

Similarity Hypothesis – We are attracted to people who are similar to us because they share the same values and opinions as we do, and we like our values validated.

This rings very true to me.  I would like to consider myself an accepting person, but I know I am guilty of regarding those that hold the same values and opinions as me at a higher level than those that do not.  When I meet someone that shares similarities with me I feel better and I believe subconsciously I view or possibly treat them better than someone that differs.

Before class started there were some people talking about a controversial subject.  When all came to the conclusion that everyone agreed, some were saying, “exactly” or “thank you.”  They had their values and opinions validated by others and hypothetically it is more likely that they would be friends with each other than with someone that did not share they same opinions as them.

Like I said, this rings true with me, I am more attracted to people that share similarities with me, I think we all are.

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Self-Disclosure by Kendra Goff

Everyone has experienced self-disclosure at some point in his or her life. This is when we disclose intimate information about ourselves to another person. This gives our relationship with that person a chance to grow. However, this can be easier said than done. The following clip illustrates the difficulty we can have with self-disclosure. (Begin clip at 3:00)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4vPsoA8snI

In this clip Aladdin was given an opportunity reveal intimate information about himself (the fact that he is not a prince) to Jasmine. Had he told her that he wasn’t a prince, it would have given their relationship an opportunity to grow in a healthy way. Unfortunately, he lies instead. Now he must go on pretending he is something he’s not and their real relationship comes to a stand still.

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Equity — Haydn Jensen

Equity is when someone and their partner get out of a relationship what they proportionally put into it.

Jack and Rose’s relationship was not equitable. Jack put a huge piece of the Titanic into the relationship, and Rose did not give him anything (including a spot on the piece given to her). Rose lived. Jack died. Never let go, huh Rose? You ditched poor old Jack the second you heard someone coming. Rose and Jack’s relationship was not equitable. No wonder it didn’t last.

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Love Languages (Fearful attachment) by Janel Glidden

Fearful attachment

is an avoidant relationship style marked by fear of rejection.

“I am uncomfortable getting close to others”.  (Due to fear.)

The girl in this video is avoident because she is scared of rejection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmq321zjkvs

Day 1: She reads his lips and simply lets him borrow her pen. (avoidant)

Day 2: She points to her headphones when he talks to her to suggest that maybe she can’t hear him. (avoidant)

She says no he can’t listen to her song because she was embarrassed.  (scared of rejection)

When he asks for her number she simply says, “No, I don’t have one,” rather than explaining anything further.  (scared of rejection)

 

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEOS!!!! 🙂

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“Comparison Level for Alternatives”-Liz Ammons

Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory and is the idea that you can replace your relationship with a better one.

In the movie Bride Wars it begins with the two main characters at one of their friend’s wedding. As both of these friends get engaged and go through their wedding plans it snaps back to this friend and shows her becoming more and more dissatisfied with her relationship with her husband. By the end of the movie, at the wedding of these girls, this friend makes a statement to another girl that she just went through her first divorce and suggests that there may be more to come. Her attitude about relationships and how they are disposable and replaceable relationships demonstrates the concept of comparison level for alternatives.

You can find this movie through youtube or netflix.

Liz Ammons

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“Bystander Effect”-Liz Ammons

The bystander effect occurs when no one offers assistance or help of someone in need when there are others around. This in part is due to the fact that people believe someone else will help or because no one else is helping then they should not help.

An example of bystander effect is that of James Bulger, a two year old boy who was beaten to death by two ten year old boys. These two boys dragged him around town before and after they had injured him and no one really helped him, even though he was obviously hurt as he cried and struggled against the ten year olds. Only a few people stopped to ask if he was okay, but because they did not take action and physically help him out, he was murdered. http://becblair.blogspot.com/2007/09/story-of-james-bulger-and-link-to.html

This example represents the consequences of bystander effect and supports the power it has on people when they are around others.

Liz Ammons

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Sheep funeral (by: Sara Walker)

The matching phenomenon is the tendency of choosing a partner according to qualities such as physical characteristics and attractiveness.

In this clip, the Sheep holds a funeral for his lover (another sheep) who was slaughtered and put on a rotisserie to be eaten.  This clip demonstrates the matching phenomenon because the sheep selected a lover who is another sheep who he is physically attracted to, as opposed to choosing a chicken, turkey, etc.

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The Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype by Carmen Mowrey

The physical-attractiveness stereotype is a commonly held belief that people who possess physically attractive attributes also have other positive traits as well. We have grown up with this belief through watching Disney movies; the princess/protagonist is always better looking and possesses positive traits as well (can sing well, is intelligent, etc.), while the antagonist is ugly and possesses negative traits (is selfish, lazy, etc.). This physical-attractiveness stereotype may affect others in dramatic ways, as illustrated in the following clip.

In this clip from the TV series Nip/Tuck, Kimber is reunited with her fiance (Christian) after her face has been brutally disfigured by “The Carver”. The Carver has attacked multiple attractive women throughout the season trying to teach the principle that “Beauty is a Curse”. After having lived a life focused on beauty with her fiance (a plastic surgeon), she is scared how he will treat her now that she is not as beautiful as she was. (skip to 1:00)

Christian and Kimber – Christian sees Kimber in the hospital. – YouTube.

This clip illustrates the physical-attractiveness stereotype because she talks about their life before the attack and how they were so focused on becoming beautiful. They honestly believed that if they became the most beautiful couple that they could have whatever they wanted in the world. They relied on the physical-attractiveness stereotype to get them what they wanted in the world because the world attributes beauty with other positive traits. Christian still believes that beauty is the only way to get ahead in this world, as you can tell by his statement “I will make you a 10 again.”

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Preoccupied Attachment_Amy Kankiewicz

Preoccupied Attachment:  (Also known as anxious-ambivalent) Relationships that are characterized by feelings of unworthiness, apprehension, jealousy, uncertainty, or possessiveness.

Glee Season 3 Episode 18:  http://www.tvshow7.eu/glee-season-3-episode-18-choke/    (See Alternative18:00-19:05)

In this clip, Coach Beiste is showing preoccupied attachment.  She is married to an abusive man, but does not leave him.  As shown in the last 10-15 seconds of the clip, her reasoning for staying with this man is that she feels as if no one else will ever love her.  She feels very unworthy (she believes she is not good enough for others to like her) and apprehensive (she worries about being alone for the rest of her life).  Therefore, she stays in the relationship she is currently in.

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Opposites May Attract, but Similar is Better (Jennae Haug)

Relationships are perhaps the largest part of the world. People do not live well isolated, and thus, they form relationships with others. Research proposes that relationships between people who are attracted to one another thrive best when the couple shares similarities with one another. This is known as the similarities hypothesis. This hypothesis may thus also support the notion that when couples do not share similarities, the relationship may not thrive as much as it otherwise could.

A few years ago, my aunt married the love of her life. They dated for many years prior to the ceremony, and felt it was the right decision to wed! Everyone was ecstatic. They did share a lifestyle difference. My aunt is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while my now uncle, is not. This had never proven to be an unbearable obstacle in their time dating however, and they had high hopes of the difference not posing a problem in their marriage. Unfortunately, when they had their first child, their religion differences did get the best of them, and things have been unstable ever since.

Because my aunt and uncle do not share a religious similarity, their relationship is not currently thriving as much as it perhaps could if they did share similar religious beliefs. With a child to consider, their relationship has not thrived as much as it did when religion only affected each partner, and perhaps, even then their relationship did not thrive as much as it could have if both were members of the same faith. Therefore, my aunt and uncle’s relationship demonstrates the similarities hypothesis.

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“Oh, you agree? You’re a GENIUS!” by Brigham Larimer

The likeness-leads-to-liking effect leads us human beings to like others based on their level of similarity to us. This may include but certainly is not limited to similarities in opinions, interests, and attitudes.

I remember one of my very favorite teachers that I had often giving us, his students, his opinions on different matters relating to the subject of psychology (which was the class subject), and me just reveling in his various thoughts. I realized after some time why I thought he was such a genius: because I agreed with his philosophies! He thought like I did, and therefore he was awesome! And he still is, on the condition that his viewpoints are still in harmony with mine 😉

Another similarity that furthered this effect was in attitude. I liked the way he looked at things, again only to realize that it’s because I have a similar attitude in regard to the topics at hand. Also humor was a big similarity. He liked to laugh about things. In fact, he wasn’t hesitant to makes jokes about most things. I have the same jovial outlook.

The point is that the likeness he and I shared in philosophy, opinion, humor, and attitude led me to unavoidably like the guy. This is not to mention our similarities in other matters of conduct which still furthered my liking of him. Our likeness led to my liking him. And I assume that given the opportunity to get to know me on a personal level, he would probably like me just as well.

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Proximity Effect on Friendships by Austin Peterson (Blog Entry 11)

Many things affect friendships but maybe the biggest factor is Proximity. Proximity is the geographical nearness or more functionaly distance. When thinking about our friends the only trait most of all of them have in common is theirproximityto us. We become freinds with those we grow up with in school and see around town just by being around them relationships get developed.

One of the great friendships of all time in the Tv world comes from Friends and its Chandler and Joey. They live together and are best friends. In season 2 however things get bad and Joey decides to move out, this is temporary solution but after a bit they realize that since their proximity to each other has greatly changed, the ability to hang out and have the same relationship is much much harder. Here is a video clip when they both expierience things and are starting to realize how much they miss not having the other around.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZwjeMSjPDM

This video shows them missing each other and really shows the impact of Joey moving out has because the proximity to each other is not the same. Proximity to our friends has a huge impact on how well we are able to stay friends with people and let the relationships continue. We all have friends from high school or other situations that the relationship has faded and the only reason is the change of proximity to each other. Many things affect our frienships but no question one of the biggest isproximity.

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Matching Up, Ash Chambers

There are many unspoken understandings about attraction in our culture. Reasons for couples getting together are guessed at by almost everyone, and many people claim to have understandings of coupling. One prominent theory that is seen in both social psychology and the general public is the Matching Hypothesis, where couples are presumed to pair up based on an equivocal physical attractiveness. When a couple is not equally physically attractive, we assume (often rightly) that the less attractive individual has other compensating qualities. 

A good illustration of this principle is the general reaction BYU students have to wedding announcements. As a wedding announcement is a single photographic depiction of the couple, the primary thing we see is the physical attractiveness of the two. When our friend in the engagement is the more attractive one, we often initially think things such as “she must have a great personality” or “he must have an amazing sense of humor”. And when our friend is the less attractive of the couple, we will think things such as “Good for him, he’s marrying up!” or “She really scored a good one!”. And when they are roughly equally attractive, we think that they are a good couple. Superficially speaking, we are very tuned into the slight attraction differences between couples. We base our assessment of the couple compatibility on physical attraction, and, if we sense a imbalance, we assume there must be other qualities that person has to ‘make up’ for their lack of attractiveness. 

This example illustrates our basic understanding of the matching hypothesis. When evaluate couple compatibility, we assume that person should/should not be in a relationship with another based on their relative physical attraction. We are all familiar with this ‘matching phenomenon’, whether or not we are consciously aware of it. Receiving a wedding announcement, we judge if that couple is appropriately matched. And we are surprised when they ‘are not’. 

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The power of dislikeatude, Patrick O’Connell

Dissimilarity breeds dislike.  This is the idea that when getting to know someone, and finding they are dissimilar to us tends to decrease our liking of that person.

I saw this with a friend of mine.  About a month ago I went along with him on his second date with a particular girl.  We rode up spanish fork canyon on four wheelers.  He had told me before this date that he really like this girl and had never had a better first date with anyone than he had had with her a week previous.  After this event they continued to go on a few dates, but just a week ago, he told me he was calling it all off.

Now why did this happen?  I discovered later in talking with him the reason.  They had talked about politics on their last date, and he discovered that she was, in all her political views, the polar opposite of him.  And he has strong political leanings.  Anyway, this difference was enough to erase the like he had felt for her the weeks before.

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Complementarity by Kayla Sharee Baucom

Complementarity is the supposed idea/tendency that in a relationship, the two people will complete what is missing in the other. In more common words this is “opposites attract.” The book gives the example of loners pairing with socializers, risk-takers pairing with the cautious, and so forth.

Although the book does not agree that this is the case in real life, media leads us to believe that it is. One example I thought of was the movie Enchanted.

In the real movie (above is just the trailer), both Prince Charming and eventually Patrick Dempsey both are chasing after Giselle. Prince Charming is a fantasy character, is perfect and is just like Giselle. But [SPOILER ALERT], Giselle ends up with Patrick Dempsey who is very different from her. He’s rougher, he’s real life and he’s from New York. Fairy tales and New York just don’t mix that well. The movie provided the option of a guy just like her (Prince Charming) and a complementarity guy (Patrick Dempsey). As can be seen from this example from Enchanted, complementarity is spread by the media even if it does turn out to be false.

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“Living an Altruistic Life” by Samuel Ramos

Altruism, the best gift we can bless someone with. It might be toward someone we love or one we are trying to love. In all honesty, it doesn’t matter who receives it, however what really counts is the act of giving away of our time and efforts to help our neighbor by expecting nothing in return. We all need to maintain this attitude so we can be ready to catch an opportunity as soon as we see it coming.

After being married for 2 years I’ve come to realize that altruism is applicable in almost everyday living with my spouse. Just recently, while my wife was in the application process for the MBA program at BYU, I was the one who had to spend more time cleaning the house and cooking dinners after work. At first it seemed very much a hassle, I didn’t feel like I had the time and thought I was wasting my time till I realized that this is what families are about. I never before had thought of the blessings I was receiving from walking the extra mile and carrying more load on my back than before so Carol could be successful in her study efforts.

In the end although my wife was accepted in the program, I was the one with the greatest reward. I’ve learned a little bit more about the importance of altruism and how it is necessary for social relationships to improve in a much faster pace.

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Janel Glidden Overjustification Effect

Overjustification effect is the result of bribing someone to do what they are already doing.  This makes it seem like a task rather than something to do out of enjoyment.  Because it seems controlled, it is less appealing to the person doing the task, when originally they would be doing it anyway.

I always played volleyball for fun.  Once I was in college and on scholarship, it became more of a job and although I love the sport I think I may have enjoyed it less.  This is an example of overjustification effect.

I remember going to the Food and Care coalition and volunteeering my time.  When they offered me a job I felt silly because the pay wasn’t where I wanted it to be.

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Altruism by Catherine Dodart

Altruism: is being selfless by helping or providing aid to others while expecting to get nothing in return.

When I think of altruism one of the first things that comes to mind is service. As a little girl growing up in my family providing service for others was always something my parents hit hard on. My mom, being a big scouter, taught us the value of “doing a good turn daily.” As a family we set a goal to do at least one good turn a day and come the next monday for FHE we would all report what our good deed was or if there were multiple we would pick a couple and explain how they made us feel or what we learned. At the beginning this kind of just seemed like a competition I had with my siblings to see who could provide the most service, but as I got older I eventually began to understand the value of what my parents were trying to teach us. It is so easy to do at least one good thing for someone else everyday and being able to recognize others needs was extremely insightful in many ways.

Another example I thought of were those who begin non-profit organizations. These are people who found a social need and created a solution to someones problem. They give up time, money, and effort doing something that benefits others as opposed to working on something that is beneficial to them. I have always been impressed with peoples ideas on how to help others and hope that someday I will be able to start my own.

In conclusion, being someone who is altruistic is becoming selfless and looking to serve those who may be in need of help.

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“Altruism – The Hunchback of Notre Dame” by Ryan Turner

Altruism is the unselfish assistance from one person towards another.  When one human being gives of his personal time, resources, and talents to another human without expecting or even desiring any reward in return, such an act is appropriately referred to as altruistic.  There are various characteristics that make up an altruistic act, as follows.  First, people must notice that something is wrong and perceive that an emergency actually exists – is the person really in pain or is he simply lying there? is he sick or just intoxicated?  Then, people must know what to do, assume responsibility, and then decide to help.

In the clip below (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), Quasimodo is placed on a pedestal in front of the city and is being humiliated and ridiculed in front of the town.  The people quickly become carried away in hurling food and vegetables at him, and no one, as it seems, is willing to step in and stop the commotion .  In the middle of this mayhem of a moment, Esmerelda compassionately approaches Quasimodo to offer her help and the crowd ceases to throw food.  In the scene, Esmerelda exemplified altruism because she knew how to help, assumed responsibility, and decided to stand up for Quasimodo.  From what is shown in the film, she did not offer her assistance with the end of receiving some sort of reward in return.  She simply gave of her time and resources to Quasimodo with the sole purpose of alleviating his pain and humiliation.

Altruism refers to deeds (verbal or physical) done in order to help someone in need.  It does not include any expectation of reward in return for service offered.  In our own lives we would be wise to train our minds to be constantly aware of the needs of those around us and be prepared to help.  Then comes the hard part – roll up your sleeves, summon your courage, and get out there and help!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU800kfHzaw 24:50 – 27:11 (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

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