My marriage is androgynous- Christine Sellers

I have been married for about 10 months now…. I know, it’s a REALLY long time and I’m super good at it. Any questions about marriage and you can ask the professional right here. Something that I’ve noticed that has always been a little “different” about my and my husband’s relationship is the fact that we have different roles… before reading this chapter, I described it like “he is the girl and I am the boy in the relationship.” Now, I understand that our relationship is androgynous- this means that we mix our girly and boyish tendencies. Usually it happens during middle age, especially if you have been in a relationship for a whiiiiiiile. Collin and I just got lucky, I suppose.

Here’s a picture and an example story for you to really visualize what I mean.

Yes, we’re adorable. And yes, it’s a miracle he didn’t drop me with a wedding dress that weighs a bajillion pounds.

So let’s say that Collin and I get into an argument. It isn’t super unnatural for us to not see eye-to-eye, so arguing is something that can definitely arise in any given situation. (Side note: arguing is MUCH different from fighting. We never fight. Thank goodness.) So we are arguing about something like… where to shop for groceries. Smith’s? WinCo? Macey’s? The discussion is getting heated, and who is the one who gets emotional? Collin. Collin is a crier, and I am definitely not. So Collin may start crying. I am more.. introverted like a boy. Collin is talking about his feelings, wanting to talk it through immediately, continuously asking how I am feeling. “Come on babe, let’s talk it out.” I am not saying anything because I do NOT want to talk it out, I just want the situation to disappear and we can forget it happened.

Doesn’t that sound like we switched roles? I dunno, maybe it doesn’t sound like it, but to me it certainly feels like it. Am I glad that we are androgynous? Abso-freaking-lutely. Without our switched roles sometimes, we wouldn’t get anything done. We would never be able to function or communicate or be so happy!We are balance. We are a ying yang, and I love it. He makes me… me. And now I’m glad to know that our situation has a name. Androgyny.

  1. #1 by jamiebryn on May 14, 2012 - 6:34 PM

    Christine I am so glad that I am not the only one that has an Androgyny situation in my marriage! Androgyny can mean that there switching of roles but it also means a “mix up” of both masculine and feminine characteristics. In some ways I am very much your typical, LDS wife. My role usually involves cooking and deep cleaning the apartment. I am also emotional, a typical female characteristic. My husband roles are to take out the trash, fix the cars, and do the yard work. He is way more consistent in his emotions, a typical guy characteristic. But my husband is the one who is better at decorating than I am. He also is much more of a “lets talk about this” kind of guy while I would rather “sleep and forget about it the next day” kinda of girl. It is obvious that we both have mixed up some of our gender roles and characteristics. I guess this goes to show that in both of our marriages we are mixed up..but its what works for us! Jamie Rhoten

    • #2 by christinesellers on May 19, 2012 - 12:52 PM

      You are not alone out there!! šŸ™‚ I love it though. Wouldn’t have it any other way because it just work out ya know? Sounds like you agree šŸ™‚

  2. #3 by mthomasmatthews on May 15, 2012 - 3:02 PM

    I know other comments have already been posted, but I was the guy in class who talked about his half-Chinese wife, who’s different (sometimes) from the usual gender roles and stuff. While I don’t know if androgynous is totally the right word, our marriage is also a unique blend of traditional and non-traditional roles.
    For instance, my jobs usually include taking out the garbage, killing bugs that appear in our apartment. But my jobs also tend to include making the bed, doing the dishes, doing the laundry, discussing feelings, and occasionally making dinner!
    My wife, on the other hand, usually makes dinner, sometimes does the dishes, and isn’t always able to express her feelings very clearly or quickly. She takes a little while to warm up.
    One area in which we have not yet blended our roles is cleaning the bathtub. She always does that, because the one time I tried I used too much stuff, and not enough ventilation, and I got sick afterwards.

    • #4 by christinesellers on May 19, 2012 - 12:53 PM

      Hahahaha thank you for the connection and for the laugh. I’m glad that there are others out there in the same situation. I think everyone is to a certain extent. Maybe let her do most of the cleaning though? šŸ™‚

  3. #5 by haydnmj on June 7, 2012 - 6:31 PM

    Thank you so much for this post!! It clearly illustrates what androgynous is. I can totally relate too. I’m engaged and my fiance and I switch up masculine and feminine roles and characteristics sometimes. For example he makes most of the meals. I can make a mean dessert, but I’d rather not waste my time on something I consider to be less delicious. Another thing that makes us different is that I’m obsessed with guitar hero and halo and I can whoop him any day of the week. You guys are so cute together, and I LOVE the picture. Good post, and thanks for helping me understand! šŸ™‚

    • #6 by haydnmj on June 7, 2012 - 6:36 PM

      Sorry. I forgot to put my name. That last post was by Haydn Jensen.

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