How to ruin and marriage, Patrick O’Connell

Negative thinking causes depressed moods, the power of rumination.

Sorry Ben, I just barely got access to internet!


The idea that negative thinking causes depressed moods, or that minor stressors have the capacity to instill a great deal of depression is believed to be due to overthinking. It explains in part why women are more prone to this, since men are more likely to act when depressed while women tend to think instead.

This made me think of someone I met in Romania about 2 years ago. A thirty year old man named Vlad married Loridona about a year before I got to know them. They were experiencing trouble in their marriage, and when Lori tried to explain it she said that Vlad just didn’t care anymore, but Vlad explained that he just felt overpowered by the situation. A lot of small things started to build up, and looking to the future Vlad couldn’t see a way to escape their inevitable divorce. He became depressed and emotionally checked out of the marriage.

Vlad’s biggest problem was that he thought too much about how things were destined to turn out badly. He constant thought of this event (divorce) that had not yet occurred made him extremely depressed, which in turn kept him from trying to make amends with his wife. Eventually they did get divorced, and Vlad had his negative thinking confirmed, but sadly I think it may have had a chance of being avoided if he would have directed his thoughts in a more positive direction, or at least away from resigning himself to depression because of the prospect of divorce.

  1. #1 by cherihiatt on June 7, 2012 - 9:35 AM

    Patrick, I thought that this example demonstrated your point wonderfully. I think that this is a problem that is unfortunately common, but could be fixed to a certain extent if people recognized the harmful effects of their negative thinking.
    Cheri Hiatt

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