Archive for category Blog Entry 11
Companionate love is the growing feeling of appreciation and admiration for a significant other person in one’s life. It can only be achieved through the passing of time, and certainly does not occur without continual sacrifice. As opposed to romantic love, companionate love does not create an environment of infatuation for another person only when things are going one’s way, or when life seems to have no trials. It continues to love the other person regardless of the context – happy or sad.
In the film Up, two young friends, Carl and Ellie, grow up together as the best of companions, and eventually get married. Together, they spend all of life’s joys and simple successes. However, when Ellie passes away, Carl feels lonely and longs to be with his wife again. The film demonstrates companionate love because of the feelings of commitment that Carl and Ellie both showed each other over their life time. They both valued the same things in life: simplicity, happiness, outdoors, and smiling. Overall, companionate love endures not necessarily because of mutual “infatuation”, but rather because of a determination to stay committed to the other person by serving, listening to, and sharing all of life’s pleasures with her as long as life allows so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsG2S_1PRnk 0:00 – 3:20 (Up)
The Similarity-Attraction Hypothesis is used to explain why people become attracted to each other. It basically says that the more similar people are the more that they are attracted to each other. This can extend beyond just physical attributes or socioeconomic status, people can be drawn together based on other factors like similar life experiences.
This video is in Mandarin so please read the video description first (I made some edits to make the translation into English more fluent) :
On Jun 20th, 2011, a 16 years old boy wanted to kill himself on the bridge in Shenzhen City, Guangdong Province, China. A brave young lady used her kiss and passion to conquer the suicide’s idea, and save his life with other firemen.
According to the report, the boy had lost his mother when he was a child and his step-mother cheated his father of all of his money. He felt lonely and helpless. He never had love from his family.
The heroic young lady is a hotel steward. She said that although she didn’t know the suicide she had the same difficult situations and even wanted to suicide several times. When she talked with the boy, she cried, because she totally understood him. She thought that the only approach was love. Finally, she succeed by a kiss!
As demonstrated in this video because the girl had a similar experience of wanting to commit suicide at some point in her own life she had empathy for the boy’s feelings and felt a deep connection to him and because of all this she was able to save him with a kiss.
This theory represents what made my marriage stable and successful so far. Right after we began dating I felt very comfortable sharing what could be considered “secrets”. Things about my past, my relationships with my family and inner thoughts that only few people or no one was able to hear about. What I just described is also know as Self disclosure. In more technical terms this trait can be defined as the ability to strengthen our relationship with one another based on the amount of intimate information is shared between each other (boyfriend & girlfriend or spouses). Self-disclosure will enhance trust in a relationship, thus enabling both parties to feel more comfortable with each others presence and ending up with more things and common. This will create a stronger support system in a friendship or love relationship.
Mr. Deeds and Emilio Lopez were closer friends after Deeds would share with him his secrets and more intimate thoughts and feelings. He was certainly drawn in to that, which towards the end of the show Emilio ends up inheriting all money from Deed’s uncle and he gives Deeds one billion dollars due to their close relationship over the weeks. Emilio shares with him his love for feet and Deeds talks about his frozen black foot. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCA0Lpy671g)
Throughout my teenage years my best friends were the ones who knew everything about me. They know what to do when I needed help or how to talk to me. Fortunately, this is the same process now that I’ve been married. I know a lot more about my wife than anyone else, and she also knows me incredibly well. This theory is indeed true, not only based on research but my through own experiences I’ve had so far.
disclosure reciprocity: we reveal more about ourselves to people who have been open with us. We reveal a little and then the other person reveals a little.
My friend Nate, opened himself up and told me many things about himself. In return I decided to tell him some things about myself that I normally don’t disclose.
When others open up to us, we may have the feeling that we should or can do the same. When my friend Nate really made himself vulnerable by sharing some really personal and sensitive aspects of his life- I knew he trusted me- and therefore I felt that I could trust him. I then decided that I would equally be as open with him as he was with me. As I look at the relationships that I have developed throughout my life, I have noticed that the ones that are the most meaningful are the ones where there has been much self-disclosure- or where the disclosure reciprocity effect has taken effect.
Today’s blog will be short, sweet, and very to the point. Matching phenomenon is the tendency for us to be interested in someone who is similar to our own level of attractiveness and other traits. Guess what? I totally did that.
So, I tend to stick out. One trait of mine is my height, and whether I like it or not I am noticeable. I also like dressing well. The first day I saw my husband, he walked into my class late and what was he wearing? A super nice, slim, extremely attractive suit. MAN did he stick out AND dressed super well. From then on, I was hooked.
Crazy? That I would be interested in someone just based on the two traits (not being afraid to stand out and having a fashion sense)? Apparently it’s not so crazy, because that’s exactly what matching phenomenon is. I chose him because we were, in my eyes, on the same level of attractiveness and other traits. Turns out I’m not shallow…just human. Worked out pretty well I’d say.
Complementarity is when one has the feeling that they are completed by someone else and that they together form a whole.
Dr. Evil, was upset when his son Scott didn’t have the traits he wanted him to have or complement him like he had wished for, but mini me filled in all the gaps he was aching for and made him feel completed.
Comparison level for alternatives falls under the Social Exchange Theory of Attraction. It is the idea that people are satisfied in their relationships based on their extent to which they perceive their ability to exchange their current relationship for a better one.
I had a friend in high school that was very unsatisfied with her boyfriends. She had one boyfriend that she didn’t really like, but kept dating him. One day we had a long conversation about it. She said the reason she kept dating this boy was because she didn’t think she could find anyone better at the time. She didn’t really like him she just didn’t have anyone better at the moment. However, she believed that she could get a better relationships and could drop him whenever she wanted.
This is an example of comparison level for alternatives because she based her satisfaction for her relationship/friendship on her perceived ability to find a better relationship. She eventually did find a “better” relationship and eventually dropped the guys she was dating. Now that she is married and she believes she can’t get a better guy, she feels much more satisfied and secure in her relationships.