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Loneliness and Gender- Christine Sellers

One thing that caught my eye in the book was what I read about loneliness and gender. For men to feel lonely, they have been isolated from group interactions. For women to feel lonely, they lack one-on-one time with someone they feel close to. This is something I think is SO true.

My husband and I are very different, and we both get our emotional “fill” in different ways. In order to not feel lonely, I need to have good conversations and quality time with people I have strong relationships with. For Collin to not feel lonely, he just needs to be next to someone… even if they’re not really doing anything with each other.

If we are both in the living room but I’m typing something up on the computer and he is playing a game on his phone, that’s good enough for him to feel like he is included. For me… I need us to actually have a conversation with each other. Even if I am with a group of people, if I’m not interacting I can still feel lonely.

It never ceases to amaze me how much genders differ with so many thing, loneliness being another one I can add to the list.

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Social Norm Violated- Christine Sellers

My social norm violation was actually something I did on accident. I had just gotten done with a photoshoot and I needed to pick something up from the store…so instead of going home and showering, I went with the same hair and make-up I had on for the shoot.

No joke, it looked something like this…. except with WAY more lipstick and HUGE fake eyelashes. Yikes.

Picture this make-up, only 10X more of it.

 

So I stroll into the store not really thinking anything of it, until I get stared at. A whole lot. Then I realized that people probably legitimately thought I did my hair and makeup like that since my outfit was completely normal. My favorite kinds of stares are the ones you get from two people mid-conversation who stop what they’re saying just to look at you, but try to do it in a very discreet manner. This one guy did a quadruple-take. Man, did that make me feel good!

Breaking this norm violation at Smith’s in Provo was an awesome experience. It made me realize that we can be caught off guard by someone who doesn’t look a certain way SO easily. Something as small as hair and make-up caused a scene! I am so aware of how I look at others, now. Allow others to embrace their individuality.

Not going to lie, it was pretty entertaining to see the reactions, though. I’m so glad I accidentally stepped into this situation.

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Wealth and Well-Being- Christine Sellers

As a newlywed and a college student, I often think that if I had more money, I would be happier. If only I had more money! Then I wouldn’t be stressed, my marriage would be easier (not that it’s difficult at all :)) and I would be able to focus more on school and things I like to do. If ONLY. Right?

Here is a link to an article I found. Winning the lottery would be the greatest thing ever and all of my problems would be solved…I’m sure that’s what these people thought, too. Read their stories.

http://www.money.co.uk/article/1002156-how-the-lives-of-10-lottery-millionaires-went-disasterously-wrong.htm

Nope, I’m super wrong, and so are most Americans. Turns out money does not make us happier even though it’s ridiculously easy for us to think so. It is often said that “happiness rises with its affluence,” when a study showed that the number of Americans who say they’re “very happy” has decreased. People are making more money than ever before, and instead of their happiness increasing, the divorce rate, teen suicide rate, and depression are increasing.

Wealth and well-being do not necessarily go hand in hand. Money will not lead to happiness. Money MAY lead us to other things that could potentially make us happy.

 

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Matching Phenomenon- Christine Sellers

Today’s blog will be short, sweet, and very to the point. Matching phenomenon is the tendency for us to be interested in someone who is similar to our own level of attractiveness and other traits. Guess what? I totally did that.

So, I tend to stick out. One trait of mine is my height, and whether I like it or not I am noticeable. I also like dressing well. The first day I saw my husband, he walked into my class late and what was he wearing? A super nice, slim, extremely attractive suit. MAN did he stick out AND dressed super well. From then on,  I was hooked.

Crazy? That I would be interested in someone just based on the two traits (not being afraid to stand out and having a fashion sense)? Apparently it’s not so crazy, because that’s exactly what matching phenomenon is. I chose him because we were, in my eyes, on the same level of attractiveness and other traits. Turns out I’m not shallow…just human. Worked out pretty well I’d say.

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Forced Empathy- Christine Sellers

Empathy is something I think we could all use a little more of, whether we use it to identify with someone else in their situation or someone shows empathy towards ours. When we show empathy for someone, we are making an attempt to understand what they are going through, the act of “putting oneself in another’s shoes.”

For some reason, when thinking of this act the movie Freaky Friday came to mind. Let me know if this is actually an accurate example or not. Could it be an example of..forced empathy?

So Lindsay Lohan and her mom, Jamie Lee Curtis, don’t get along AT ALL in the movie. They never empathize with one another, and their relationhip sucks because of that fact. Then, through the power of chinese voodoo, they literally walk in one another’s shoes as they magically switch bodies. In the end, all is well because they finally understand the daily turmoils and challenges that each of them face. In the end, they empathized with one another.

That works, right? I think so, just in an extremely literal sense. Normally with empathy, you experience feelings for a loved one vicariously because you want to help them with what they are going through. They are suffering, so you feel you are suffering, too. In Freaky Friday, the same thing happens….just literally. 🙂

The moral? Empathize. You can never go wrong when you empathize.

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Be Careful Where You Displace Your Aggression- Christine Sellers

“Hey, don’t take it out on me” is a phrase I’m sure we hear quite often. Something I wasn’t aware of (and shouldn’t be surprised about either) is that the act of “taking it out on someone” actually has a name. Displacement is when you redirect your anger or frustration to someone or something other than the cause of your anger. If I screw up a test and then go home and yell at my roommates, that’s an example of displacement. If you get yelled at by your boss and then on your drive home you in turn yell at every driver on the road, that is also called displacement. Instead of ripping up the test or writing the test-writer an angry email or yelling back at your boss, you direct your anger at something that is more socially acceptable…well, most of the time.

The best example of this I could think of is from the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The main character, George Bailey, is frustrated at SO many things in his life that are going wrong. Earlier that day his uncle lost $5,000 from their business that he was supposed to deposit, and George found out he could lose his job and potentially go to jail…losing his home, family, and reputation as well. So what does he do? He goes home and yells at his children. They were not the source of his anger, but he has displaced his frustration and that is why he yells.

 

That scene doesn’t quite make it to the part where he really YELLS at his kids, but you can definitely see that he is starting to take his frustration out on them. Sometimes it is hard for us to not displace our anger… and sometimes displacing our anger to someone or something other than the true cause is more socially acceptable. That’s why we do it.

 

We just need to be careful when we do.

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My Height is Distinctive- Christine Sellers

SO for a girl, I’m fairly tall. 6’1.5″ to be exact. I abolutely LOVE being tall, I won’t lie. Most of the time I don’t even notice it. I just feel like… me. This characteristic of mine is distinctive, meaning that my height is either the first characteristic that one will notice, or the one that they will remember the most. When my friends describe me, one of the first words used is tall.

Like I said, I love my height. The only downfall is shopping for jeans, but I deal. Reading about the section on “distinctiveness feeds self-consciousness” reminded me of an experience I had. I was on my break at work and talking to someone who was… let’s say vertically challenged. She pointed out how I was “so dang tall.” I didn’t think it affected me, but walking back into the office, someone else told me that I “needed to stop slouching.” I thought to myself “what? I never slouch. I’m a dancer for crying out loud.” Then it hit me. Because someone actually pointed out my disctinctive characteristic that I’m usually unaware of, I became self-conscious and attempted to hide my characteristic by slouching.

Will I ever let my special hieght distinction make me self-conscious again? Probably, but at least now I can correct it as soon as I become consciously aware of it. Be proud of your distinctions, folks.

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